10 Things I Wish Someone Told Me 10 Years Ago
January 1st, 2010 by Shaun Boyd
At the start of every year, I like to review my goals. I pull out the
list of goals I set for myself last January, and then grade myself on
how well I did.
This year is quite different than past years. Everything changed
after Cassie was diagnosed with cancer. Suddenly, nothing was
important except her health.
It’s been tough. I looked after her the best that I could, I tried to
be as encouraging as possible, and I made efforts to improve my career
situation so that she could take time off to focus on her health. The
year is over and, thankfully, the most important goal we set out to
achieve has been achieved: Cassie beat cancer.
Although I didn’t do any of the fighting — you have Cassie and her
doctors to praise for that — I did get caught up in the ride. I was
exhausted by the emotional roller coaster, and I found myself
constantly wishing for 2010 to arrive just so we could move past this
difficult time in our lives. I was anxious to start experiencing
normal life again.
Here I am now, happy that 2010 is upon us, wondering what else to
write about. It feels like cancer has been the topic of conversation
for so long, that I’ve forgotten how to talk about anything else.
I’m glad for how things turned out. I’m ecstatic that she’s cured. But
I’m tired of the subject. I didn’t want to make another post about
cancer, but the words are coming out of me anyway.
I suppose that I’m afraid if I don’t talk about it, the only other
thing I can say about 2009 is that life was on pause for a while, so
nothing else was accomplished. Maybe I’m ashamed about the fact that
my intention is for this to be a progressive blog, and I’ve spent a
lot of time ignoring it in favor of other priorities.
The other thing about 2009 is that I feel so detached from everything
I experienced throughout it. It feels like I’m waking up from a bad
dream. I remember feeling scared, sad, and impatient — but I couldn’t
always express those feelings, because I felt obligated to appear
outwardly normal and “together.” Being hysterical wasn’t an option.
I started imagining what types of things I wish I could have told
myself earlier this year: “Everything’s going to be alright.” — “One
year from now, this will all be behind you.” — “Trust me, she’ll be
okay.”
The concept was pretty fascinating to me, and I took it a step further
and imagined what I might like to tell myself if I could go back in
time to give my younger self some advice about life.
I think that the dawn of a new decade is an excellent time to reflect
upon the last ten years, and figure out what life lessons I’ve managed
to learn from them:
#10 - For the most part, what others think doesn’t matter.
Ten years ago I was a 17 year old high school student who let the
opinions of other people largely influence my choices. It was a dumb
way to live, considering that ten years later, those people whose
opinions I held in such high regard aren’t even a part of my life
anymore!
The times when someone else’s opinion of you truly matters are few and
far between. Think first impressions, like meeting your significant
other’s family, meeting a new client, or meeting a potential employer
for a job interview.
Don’t let other people rent space in your head. What they think of
you isn’t important. What matters most is how you feel about
yourself.
#9 - Explore new hobbies and opportunities often.
When I cared about what other people might think about me, I never
tried new things. I was afraid that if I sucked at something, I’d be
embarrassed. To spare myself the embarrassment of being bad at
something new, I would never explore opportunities to learn a new
skill, or start a new hobby.
Looking back on it, I see it as lots of time lost!
Nowadays I’m always anxious to put myself out there and learn
something new. I sing at karaoke, I enter juggling contests, and I
play Euchre even though I suck at all of them. I try new things as
they come up, whether it’s a new restaurant, a new beer, or a new
pastime. When you try new things, you discover more and more things
that you enjoy.
Currently, I have plans to master the piano, the pool table, the
surfboard, and the pen in my lifetime. They’re things that I know I
love. Still, if you were to introduce me to a unicycle today, I’d hop
right on to try and take it for a spin, fall off, and then hop on
again!
As Harold and Maude put it best, “Everyone has the right to make an
ass out of themselves. You just can’t let the world judge you too
much.”
#8 - Nobody knows what you’re thinking unless you tell them.
People can’t read your mind. This goes for your significant other,
your employer, and that hot girl you’re too scared to talk to.
Ten years ago I was dating someone I no longer wanted to date. I knew
that I was unhappy in the relationship, but she didn’t. Consequently,
I waited and waited for things to improve, but they never did. I want
to scream at my young self: Well no shit things didn’t improve. You
never told her anything was wrong!
Relationships can’t improve unless you communicate. This applies to
your relationship with your employer also — if you’re working hard at
your job and believe that you deserve a raise, you probably won’t get
it unless you ask for it.
Simply put, your supervisor doesn’t know what you want. Don’t wait
for them to come to you, because your blood will boil over and you’ll
end up quitting before it ever happens. Ask to meet privately and
spell it out for them!
As for that hot girl, if you don’t say anything before she walks out
that door, then she’s going to walk out of your life forever having
never known you. Don’t let it happen. Learn to communicate so people
can know you.
#7 - Talk to everyone in college.
Professors. Classmates. Roommates. Neighbors. Frats. Sororities.
Clubs. Students outside of your major. Students outside of your social
clique. Returning students that are older than you. Teaching
assistants. Resident assistants. Adjuncts. Tutors. Career advisors.
Deans. Librarians. Friends.
Why? Networking. When employers look for a good match for a job
opening, the first thing they do is ask the people they’re already
working with if they know someone who would do well in the position.
They tend to look through resumes as a last resort.
College is the best opportunity you’ll ever have to build a complex,
varied network of smart people. Use it to your advantage and get your
name out there, because grades mean nothing in the real world.
Also, live it up, because college is fucking awesome. Trust me when I
tell you that after you’ve graduated, you’ll go through college
withdrawal. There’s a reason why so many people say it’s the best
four years of your life.
#6 - Leave every job on good terms.
No matter how good it might feel to tell your boss to suck it right
before storming out of a dead-end job forever, it is never worth it.
You will probably need another job someday, and you might just need
some good references to get it.
Giving up all opportunities for future recommendations for one
fleeting moment to tell your employer what you really think about them
is a bad trade. Give two weeks notice, and say thanks for the
opportunity to work with them — even if it’s bullshit.
#5 - Pay your dues.
Even though you may have been hot shit in college, or at your last
job, it will not grant you the slightest amount of entitlement in a
new position for a new employer. In many companies, you’re basically
getting in line to wait your turn to move up the ladder, and it may
take years to advance beyond positions of indentured servitude.
Stick to it. Hopping from company to company looking for something
“better” may allow you to get ahead in the short-term, but in the
long-term your resume will become a mishmash of temporary stints that
makes you look like a quitter.
In the end, persistence creates an impression of dedication and
relevant experience — and it will outshine any other attribute, every
time.
So take a look around. If you’re absolutely certain you’re on the
right career path, then stick to it. Pay your dues. Climb ladders.
It will be your turn soon enough.
#4 - Invest in yourself.
When you invest in yourself you can never lose. This applies to everything:
Learn to cook. You’ll save a bajillion dollars on food in your lifetime.
Learn a foreign language. You’ll expand your horizons and be easily employable.
Learn to spend less than you earn. You’ll never be broke.
#3 - You can’t change anything but just sitting back and looking at it.
Change requires two things: a conscious decision to accomplish
something, and follow-through. If you want something accomplished,
then do it now. If it can’t be done now, then do it today. If it
can’t be done today, then start it today.
Change is tough, but the most difficult step is getting started. Of
course once you’ve actually started, the most difficult step is
following through. Change is tricky like that — but know that if you
truly want it, you’ll find a way to create change in your life.
#2 - Expect people to be negative, especially if you’re carving your own path.
In all walks of life, you won’t see eye-to-eye with everyone. People
will come out of the woodwork to tell you that you’ll fail, tell you
that you suck, laugh at you, argue with you, call you names, write you
messages laced with profanity, and be altogether unpleasant. As Tony
Gazzo from Rocky put it, “Some guys, they just hate for no reason.”
The thing is, although it’s common to receive negativity from
strangers, you’ll find that even the people you know and love can
surprise you with negative attitudes. No matter who it is that’s
trying to boo you off the stage, don’t let them succeed in doing so.
#1 - Do what you are.
We’ve all heard that ”If you love what you do, you will never work
another day in your life.” The problem is that few people seem to
actually have this luxury.
It seems that somewhere along the line the consensus changed to “If
you do what you need to do, when you need to do it, then maybe someday
you can do what you want to do, when you want to do it.” You end up
spending the majority of your life waiting for that someday to arrive.
It’s mostly unavoidable though, since we spend most of our growing
years hearing things like:
You need to go to college.
You need to get a job.
You need to keep working even if you don’t like your job, to pay for college.
You need to save for retirement, so that you have the option to retire.
And if once you finally make it to retirement, then you can finally do
what you want. It seems so backwards, doesn’t it?
When I’m not distracting myself from how repetitive my job is, I
always think about how I’m slowly trading away the sunny days of my
youth for “job security.” I show up, put my butt in a chair for eight
hours a day, and collect a paycheck. Congratulations, I’ve traded
away some time for some money.
I don’t feel alive at my job. I do shit that’s unimportant to me.
I’d rather spend my time doing anything else, but the things I want to
do wouldn’t pay me the way my boring job does.
Consequently, I write. Not because it earns me a lot of money, but
because I feel most alive when I’m writing. For me, to not write is
suicide — and I desperately wish that I realized this about me sooner.
If I could offer my younger self some real advice, I’d tell myself not
to base my career choice on what someone else recommended. I’d tell
myself not to pick a major because it’s what’s popular. I’d tell
myself not to get into a career field for the money.
I’d tell myself that the right choice is much simpler: Do what you
are. As long as you’re true to yourself, and follow your own
interests, you can find success through passion. Perhaps more
importantly, you won’t wake up ten years later in a career field you
hate wondering “What the hell happened?”
…
So that’s my list of things I wish I knew when I was younger. We all
think about things like this from time to time — so if you agree or
disagree with what I’d tell myself, or if you have any bits of wisdom
that you wish someone would have taught you long ago, please share in
the comments!
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